Madness

Do i feel the way i think i do?
I am at bliss at your presence.
At joy at the sound of your voice,
a smile comes across my face at the sight of your text.

Yet, when you're not around me.
I forget.
I act as though i don't owe an explaination to anybody
for my actions.
But the moment i am on the phone with you, i feel bad. Because i think i love you.

Do i?
I don't know.
Maybe i am just finding a reason to control myself.
Maybe i so sick of the thrill of the chase that i would settle for you.
Am i settling?

Holy mother of fuck!
What the hell.
All these feelings.
I rejected over 17 guys because of my LOVE for you.

I refrain from so many things using love as an excuse.
But when i am at a club. or just when you are not in my presence. i forget. you. me. us.

But why do i owe you an explaination.
Who are you to me.
A friend? i don't want any more friends with benefits!
I want you. i believe i really do love you.
At least i hope i do.

I do.