Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Losing sight.

Sometimes in the high of Life, we forget the vows we made to ourselves.

I know i am a living testament to this statement.
*been 2 months and 3 weeks since my last post and plenty has happened.*

What i can remember or what has impacted me i shall note in this post.

UPM : Well, i have amazingly supportive and FUN friends here who have helped me through all the ups and downs of the past year that i have enrolled in here.
Studies taking a slight slide down due to my heavy scheduling. Baby said i took on too much than i could swallow and i hate to admit but he has a point.
Tried to let go of some of my obligations but failed to find anybody to fill in the post as Aquatic Club president.
Will manage it the best way that i can. Don't know if i can still sign the contract for PutraFM deejay though i was offered the post. again another pending matter.
The more i am friends with different people i realise different things that make me question certain aspects of my friendships.
All i know is that i can;t exactly multitask to save my life.
Indonesia trip was postponed due to Indonesian brilliance.
i am gonna miss life lazing at home and being able to go out with baby as and when i please but to be very blunt, i need to revolve around my own orbit NOW!

*unrelated statement : I used to be Ms.Independant.. No man could ever hold me down. I allow myself to be held down by you. Don't squash me. Let me breathe. I still need to achieve my own goals and aspirations and make something of myself. *

Friends : JMC has yet to have a reunion eversince the Christmas bake off. sobs.
But i have gone out with stef to shisha with Daniel. Epic moments!
Sutha came down for the weekend during the hols and everyday was eventful. Friday night bamboo palace. Saturday church with ivan and ian then dinner. boys sent to mum's boyfriend's place. Only thing was that the whole time i was texting baby so i felt bad that i wasn't giving sutha my utmost attention especially since its been almost a year since we last caught up with each other. Went clubbing with her and kim which was gooooood. reason being because it was completely innocent! :)
just danced danced and danced till we had to take our shoes off from the agony it was causing our soles to scream bloody mary. LOL
just so happened that night was OUR two month anniversary.
ok ok been putting it off but about BABY BOY, Ivan Valentine Bateman John.
~ he brought me cuppacakes to cheer me up when i was sick at work.
~ he helped get me medicine for my tummy.
~ sent me home everytime i panicked for missing my curfew or when i was too tired to take the train.
~ suprised me by coming to work during my lunch breaks.
~ takes me out for movies and nice meals.
~ he took me to visit my Papa's memorial.
~ helps me comfort my baby sis and friends when i don't know how to.
~ makes the effort to learn his way to my house via public transport.
~ leaves love notes on my laptop.
~ makes an effort to be good to my family and friends.
~ bought me chocolates that i adore from langkawi.
~ texts me everytime and never leaves me in the dark.
~ remembers important corny dates. 060410 230609 270609
~ always introduces me as his girlfriend even to his family.
~ extremely protective, a positive and negative trait.
~ appreciates me and cares for me.
~ the best i've ever had and could ever ask for.
like any human being is also flawed.
sometimes a bit too jealous over my close friends and when having arguments tends to bring up all those that intimidate him up to spite me.
when angry has little self control over the things he utters which obviously when provoked unintentionally are very very hurtful.
childish when it comes to his mood swings. little things put him in an insecure spiral needing constant reassurance which honestly is something i'm not very fond of doing.
I am one person who means what i say. So when i say it i expect to you to take it for what it is and not require me to keep repeating myself over and over again that it soon loses meaning. whatever it is. I LOVE YOU IVAN VALENTINE BATEMAN JOHN. Forever and ever after baby.

The idea of marriage scared the hell outta me till you came in the picture and suddenly the image just felt beautiful again. You are the only one i see myself with.

*take note : we still have tonnes to improve on, but with love and patience all things are possible. :) <3>

I realized that due to my relationship i give priority to him and have lost sight of certain aspects of my friendships like keeping in touch and such. I can't sweet talk anyone else because it feels wrong. I support his football team. I go out of my way and sometimes get myself into trouble for him. I avoid some of my friends because he feels uncomfortable with them. He is my everything and that was not what was suppose to happen.
Its too soon for me to put my heart on my sleeve and let it hang by a thread just like after all i've been through with guys. I know better. Somehow its easy for me to say all these things but i can't help it. I love him so much. Every waking moment of everyday i wanna just be with him. BUT not at the expense of losing myself and forgetting the vows i made to myself.

All in due time.

Once i'm back in uni, i'm sure i'll be able to get myself back in order.

* i have alot more that i wanna touch on but i have lost the discipline to keep writing.

Till my next post ;) stay posted.